Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
