Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
