She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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