i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I want her autograph on my taint
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
