When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
