Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
