I hate your face
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
