his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
