I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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