i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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