I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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