my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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