I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
