So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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