____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
