"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
