Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
