You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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