he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
