we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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