I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
