is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
