I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
