I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
