Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
only you would photoshop your dick
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
