The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
