I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Four minutes until I can fart!
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
