we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
