I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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