At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is Oprah even human
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
