would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
