Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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