Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
