is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
