She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
