i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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