for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
