Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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