$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
