4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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