I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
