I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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