I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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