I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
