Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
