Where is the hickey?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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