Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My vagina is officially offended.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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