Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Pants are for mortals
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
