So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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