if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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