you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
